What I should've said..

It's Saturday morning. You're supposed to be asleep on my couch, possibly even cuddling with Austin. When I get up and look outside, a little red car is supposed to be parked on the road, in the same spot you always park. Adam should wake up any minute and ask "Is Roger still here?" And if you are still here, you'll somehow hear him from the living room and start obnoxiously singing some random songs (with a few swapped words.) But this Saturday is different. There's no Roger on the couch and no car by the road. As I lay here continuously watching videos and pictures of our memories together, all I can keep thinking about is what I should've said.

Roger has always been one of our closest friends, and Adams long before I came along. But for the past few years, he's been more than that, he became our brother. Roger is very intuitive and verbal about his feelings. We always, especially lately, had some deep conversations. A few weeks ago we went to the pool. We must've talked for an hour about life and relationships. He told me Adam was a very lucky man to have me but that I was the luckiest girl in the world to have Adam. He said there was no other guy in he world quite like him and he was right. But what I should've said, is there was no other friend quite like you.

Last Friday was his birthday. So we went and had dinner with him and hung out for a few hours. When we were close to leaving, he hugged Adam and I both and told us how thankful for us he was and that he loved us. I know we said I love you too, but what we should've said is "You have no idea how thankful we are for YOU" I feel like life moves too fast. Between work, school, kids, and just life in general we get so caught up in what's next that we don't stop and enjoy the little things. We take such for granted the time with the people we love the most and we don't say the things we need to say. Roger knew how much we loved him because he told us all the time how thankful he was. I just wonder if we thanked him enough in return. If I thought for one second, Saturday was the last time we would see your face, I would have said so much more.

I think this is the closest person we've ever lost, aside from Adams dad. It hit like a ton of bricks and it hurts like hell. There isn't another Roger Williams. It's the little things I'm going to miss the most, honestly some of the things that drove me insane before. You walking in the door screaming "KC! You ready to par-tee?" Adams going to need you to look down on him from time to time. You and Bo are his brothers, his family. It's beyond friendship.

We love you Roger and we miss you so much already. I'm not sure the hurt is going to subside for a long time. But I know you're in the happiest place there is, making everyone laugh until they cry. You'd be so proud to see all the people that love you and are coming together for you.